Sonja Lyubomirsky from the University of California has done some interesting research comparing people who describe themselves as happy or unhappy. She found that 40 per cent of our happiness is within our power to change! Lyubomirsky identified 12 scientifically robust ways in which we act and think that naturally enhance happiness.  

 1) Express gratitude. 

 2) Cultivate optimism: Lyubomirsky suggests imagining a future in which everything has turned out the way you want it and to write it down. 

 3) Avoid obsessing over things or paying too much attention to what others are doing. 

 4) Practise acts of kindness – more than you’re used to. 

 5) Make time for friends; be supportive and loyal. 

 6) Develop coping strategies: Lyubomirsky suggests writing down upsetting feelings and trying to see that traumatic events often make us stronger. If it is difficult to develop coping strategies alone seek some professional guidance

 7) Learn to forgive. 

 8) Immerse yourself in activities and be open to new ones. 

 9) Savour life’s pleasures: Lyubomirsky gives the example of lingering over something you enjoy to eat rather than mindlessly consuming it. 

 10) Work towards meaningful goals. 

 11) Practise religion or spirituality. 

 12) Exercise. 

 Of course not every one of these suggestions suits everybody and none of them produce immediate results, but the research does show that by pursuing these things happiness is likely to increase.  

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 When we think forward or look back, we often reflect on how happiness fits into our lives. The pursuit of happiness is one of the most common goals of new psychotherapy clients. “I just want to be happy” is a well-heard phrase. So how can we be happier? What does the research say?

 Hannah Booth, of the Sydney Morning Herald, summarises a number of interesting research findings…

1) Think positively

Barbara Fredrickson at the University of North Carolina found that thinking positively has a positive effect on the body as well as the mind. Her research showed that positivity decreased blood pressure, pain and susceptibility to colds and increased sleep. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, for example, highlights techniques that aim to lift mood by counteracting unhelpful thinking, such as over-generalisation and taking things personally.

2) Do

Daniel Gilbert from Harvard University explains why doing is better than not doing. Studies show that people tend to regret not having done things much more than they regret things they have done. This is perhaps because it is easier to accept doing something we regret, as we consider ourselves active and courageous. We can console our regret by thinking about what we have learned from the experience. 

3) Meditate

Daniel Goleman, Psychologist and author advocates the benefit of meditation. He writes: “Meditation helps us better manage our reactions to stress and recover more quickly from disturbing events. This is key to happiness.” Goleman cites a study where workers in stressful jobs practiced mediation for eight weeks. After just two months they felt happier and reported they liked their work more. One way to consider happiness is the ability to recover quickly from upset. Goleman advises that when we start to get upset, let go of the negative thought, deal with the problem and then let go of that too.

4) Be kind

Paul Gilbert, from the University of Derby, UK, highlights how important it is that we relate to ourselves with kindness. When we are self-critical we damage our wellbeing, contentedness and ability to cope.

5) Find meaning

Jonathan Haidt, a Psychologist at the University of Virginia, emphasises the amount of time we spend doing things that give us personal meaning and a sense of connection. He cites quality time with loved ones, holidays and other enjoyable activities. Becoming involved with something you believe in, such as religion, politics or teaching or doing something creative are also good examples.   

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 One of the most frequently asked questions about therapy is whether it is worth the expense?  Certainly beginning a course of therapy is a financial commitment and of course we want to know if it is likely to ‘pay off’.

 A study by Chris Boyce at the University of Warwick, England reported by the Bet Israel Deconess Medical Center, has found some interesting results. By examining data from thousands of people who had provided information about their mental well-being, it was found that the increase in happiness from a $1,329 course of therapy was so significant that it would take a pay raise of more than $41,542 to achieve an equal boost in well-being. This means that therapy could be perhaps as much as 32 times more cost-effective at improving well-being than receiving money. 

 Boyce explains that “often the importance of money for improving our well-being and bringing greater happiness is vastly over-valued in our societies. The benefits of having good mental health, on the other hand, are often not fully appreciated and people do not realize the powerful effect that psychological therapy, such as non-directive counseling, can have on improving our well-being.”

 

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A beautifully wise poem by Portia Nelson:

 

Chapter 1

I walked down the street. There’s a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in. I am lost. I am helpless
It isn’t my fault
It takes forever to get out

Chapter 2

I walked down the same street. There’s a deep hole in the sidewalk
I pretend I don’t see it
I fall in again. I can’t believe I am in the same place
But it isn’t my fault
It still takes a long time to get out

Chapter 3

I walked down the same street. There’s a deep hole in the sidewalk
I see it there
I still fall in. It’s a habit.
My eyes are open. I know where I am.
It is my fault
I get out immediately

Chapter 4

I walked down the same street. There’s a deep hole in the sidewalk
I walk around it

Chapter 5

I walk down another street.

 

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 Apparently so. Contrary to popular belief, the New Scientist reports that images of unhealthy foods instead of resulting in temptation, actually promote healthy eating. Dr Floor Kroese, a Psychologist at Uterecht University in the Netherlands, found that the weight-conscious women in her study who were shown pictures of chocolate cake were more likely to choose to eat healthy snacks than participants who had been shown a neutral image of a flower.

 “In moderation” says Psychologist Dr Ayelet Fishbach, originally of Tel Aviv University and now at the University of Chicago, “this positive impact of food temptations will overcome the negative impact – the urge to indulge”.

 So perhaps a picture on the fridge door of tempting foods may aid good dieting habits. Kroese warns, however, that whilst highly tempting images can remind people of their eating intentions, weakly attractive images do not have the same impact and may in fact cause the reverse!

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 “I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself.”

 “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you.”

 

 

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 There are lots of ways in which we can encourage our sense of wellness.

 The following is a list, based on an article by The Mental Health Foundation. which summarises some excellent ideas for boosting our emotional well-being and getting the most out of life.

1) “It’s good to talk”

 It is important to be able to talk about how you feel with other people so that feelings don’t get ‘bottled up’ inside. By talking to family, friends or a professional we release tension, feel heard and get support.

2) Get active

 Lots of research shows that physical activity makes us feel better. The chemicals released through exercise lift our mood, help us concentrate and improve our sleep quality. Generally healthy people should aim to be physically active for at least 30 minutes five times per week. Of course the activity chosen should be something you enjoy!

3) Eat well

 A healthy balanced diet has a positive effect on well-being. Try to eat 3 meals a day which include:

  • lots of different types of fruit and vegetables
  • wholegrain cereals or bread
  • nuts and seeds
  • dairy products
  • oily fish
  • plenty of water.

 Try to limit alcohol, high-caffeine and sugary drinks.

4)  Be social

 Being in touch with family and friends, whether it is in person, by phone or online, is important for making us feel grounded and supported. If life circumstances make it difficult to be in touch with others, then try to become involved with a group or a hobby.

5) Take care

 Actually taking care of others helps us take care of ourselves. Helping a friend, looking after a pet or doing volunteer work can help boost self-esteem and a sense of well-being.

6) Time out

 We all need a break now and again. Whether it’s a 5 minute pause during the day, a long lunch or a holiday, it is vital to relax and replenish. Yoga and meditation are also excellent ways of helping the body and mind relax and of course it is essential to get a good night’s sleep.

7) Do what you like

 Spend time investing in something that you enjoy. Hobbies and activities make us feel good about ourselves, de-stress and express ourselves – particularly physical or creative activities.

8 ) I am who I am

 Everyone is different. It’s much healthier to accept that you are unique than to wish you were more like someone else. Be proud of who you are. If there are things that you would like to change check out if your expectations are realistic and if they are, work towards change in small steps.

9) Ask for help

 Sometimes it’s simply all a bit much. At these times it is essential to seek help from family, friends or professional services.

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866605_piggy_bank_1 A few weeks ago I found out that it was 80% likely I had caught swine flu. Interestingly, despite all I had heard, it wasn’t all that bad: a headache, sore joints and muscles and of course the well-publicised high temperature. In fact, it was so much less dramatic than I had anticipated, I had apparently contracted it at least eight days prior to diagnosis.

 

 When the headache didn’t shift and I started to feel pretty lousy, I went to the local clinic and it was here that I truly began to feel miserable. When the secretary understood there was suspicion of swine flu, she physically jumped two steps back, curled her mouth into a look of extreme disgust, told me not to move and left the room. A few moments later she returned dangling a surgeon’s mask like toxic waste, barking: “Put this on! Don’t sit near anybody!”

 Feeling pretty humiliated, angry and sorry for myself I looked around the waiting room, to be looked back at by sets of staring, anxious eyes. The patients were spread out more or less evenly. There was no free area for me to sit in, so, feeling pretty weak from the fever, I put on my mask and sat on the floor. Eventually a corner became free and I parked myself there, trying to ignore the stares, the whispering about my suspected condition and the pregnant lady voicing her, of course valid, concerns about me waiting with everyone else.

 The frustrating and humiliating story goes on – the wait from nurse to doctor (who both incidentally were very kind and helpful) was all in all an hour and 40 minutes. For me, however, although we all enjoy a good moan now and again, this is not the most interesting part of the story…

 A couple of things struck my attention over my period of unwellness. Firstly, how automatically our reactions of fear and disgust can be revealed by our faces (and how hurtful this can be to others). Different cultures are expressive to different extents (see this). For this secretary (of note the second secretary behind the desk facially expressed warmth and concern), despite working in a clinic which had diagnosed many cases of swine flu, could not ‘reign in’ her automatic reaction for the sake of professionalism.

 Secondly, how influenced we are by thoughts, words and knowledge. Up until my trip to the clinic I wasn’t too bothered by my symptoms. As soon as I found out there was an 80% chance I had swine flu, I felt significantly worse. Each time I measured my, continually fluctuating, temperature, my sense of illness/wellness altered according to the number on the thermometer. This is some of the theory behind Cognitive Behavioural Therapy – that the thoughts we have, or the reactions we have to physiological experiences, effect our mood and well-being.

 Certainly the most powerful reflection on contracting an infectious illness which can evoke fear or disgust in some, is the nominal insight to the lives of those who live daily with diseases such as HIV, disabilities or disfigurements. 

 Incidently, as an epilogue to this story, it wasn’t swine flu after all.

 

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