July 12, 2010

Things that make us happy

Posted by Dr. Lisa Law under coping, Emotions, Getting help, Happiness, Research, Wellness | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |
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 Sonja Lyubomirsky from the University of California has done some interesting research comparing people who describe themselves as happy or unhappy. She found that 40 per cent of our happiness is within our power to change! Lyubomirsky identified 12 scientifically robust ways in which we act and think that naturally enhance happiness.  

 1) Express gratitude. 

 2) Cultivate optimism: Lyubomirsky suggests imagining a future in which everything has turned out the way you want it and to write it down. 

 3) Avoid obsessing over things or paying too much attention to what others are doing. 

 4) Practise acts of kindness – more than you’re used to. 

 5) Make time for friends; be supportive and loyal. 

 6) Develop coping strategies: Lyubomirsky suggests writing down upsetting feelings and trying to see that traumatic events often make us stronger. If it is difficult to develop coping strategies alone seek some professional guidance. 

 7) Learn to forgive. 

 8) Immerse yourself in activities and be open to new ones. 

 9) Savour life’s pleasures: Lyubomirsky gives the example of lingering over something you enjoy to eat rather than mindlessly consuming it. 

 10) Work towards meaningful goals. 

 11) Practise religion or spirituality. 

 12) Exercise. 

 Of course not every one of these suggestions suits everybody and none of them produce immediate results, but the research does show that by pursuing these things happiness is likely to increase.  

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April 21, 2010

How can I be happier?

Posted by Dr. Lisa Law under Articles, Getting help, Happiness, Research, Wellness | Tags: , , , , , , |
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 When we think forward or look back, we often reflect on how happiness fits into our lives. The pursuit of happiness is one of the most common goals of new psychotherapy clients. “I just want to be happy” is a well-heard phrase. So how can we be happier? What does the research say?

 Hannah Booth, of the Sydney Morning Herald, summarises a number of interesting research findings…

1) Think positively

Barbara Fredrickson at the University of North Carolina found that thinking positively has a positive effect on the body as well as the mind. Her research showed that positivity decreased blood pressure, pain and susceptibility to colds and increased sleep. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, for example, highlights techniques that aim to lift mood by counteracting unhelpful thinking, such as over-generalisation and taking things personally.

2) Do

Daniel Gilbert from Harvard University explains why doing is better than not doing. Studies show that people tend to regret not having done things much more than they regret things they have done. This is perhaps because it is easier to accept doing something we regret, as we consider ourselves active and courageous. We can console our regret by thinking about what we have learned from the experience. 

3) Meditate

Daniel Goleman, Psychologist and author advocates the benefit of meditation. He writes: “Meditation helps us better manage our reactions to stress and recover more quickly from disturbing events. This is key to happiness.” Goleman cites a study where workers in stressful jobs practiced mediation for eight weeks. After just two months they felt happier and reported they liked their work more. One way to consider happiness is the ability to recover quickly from upset. Goleman advises that when we start to get upset, let go of the negative thought, deal with the problem and then let go of that too.

4) Be kind

Paul Gilbert, from the University of Derby, UK, highlights how important it is that we relate to ourselves with kindness. When we are self-critical we damage our wellbeing, contentedness and ability to cope.

5) Find meaning

Jonathan Haidt, a Psychologist at the University of Virginia, emphasises the amount of time we spend doing things that give us personal meaning and a sense of connection. He cites quality time with loved ones, holidays and other enjoyable activities. Becoming involved with something you believe in, such as religion, politics or teaching or doing something creative are also good examples.   

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October 12, 2009

Aliyah and Identity: ‘The heartache of two homelands’

Posted by Dr. Lisa Law under Acculturation, Aliyah, Articles, Culture, Identity, Research, Stress | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |
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555043_flying_geese_3Perhaps only migrating birds know–
Suspended between earth and sky–
The heartache of two homelands.
—Leah Goldberg, 1970
 
 Leah Goldberg’s poem ‘Pine’ poignantly captures the ambivalent position of many Olim caught between two countries and two identities. For many, negotiation of a more complex, integrated identity that sits between two cultures is realisable. For others, finding a comfortable way to be is more difficult.

  
 Research shows that when we are able to create a multi-faceted identity, which integrates the original and new identities, we are more likely to feel well both mentally and physically (e.g. Berry & Kim[1]). Living in a new culture is always a challenge. It brings with it the exhilarating and the exasperating. Garza-Guerrero[2], says that one of the main difficulties is that the continuity, confirmation, and consistency of our sense of self become threatened. In other words, without the feedback we were used to in our old cultures, we can become less sure of who we are and feel less good about ourselves.

  So how can we try to create a healthy, multi-faceted identity? Walsh and Shulman’s research[3]with young Russian immigrants in Israel gives us some interesting ideas. After interviewing each participant twice, with a year interval in between, about their Aliyah experience, they found that immigrants who tried to form a complex identity early on were less comfortable, functioning and satisfied one year later.

  What does this mean? Perhaps we can hypothesise that although trying to integrate ambivalence between two cultures is helpful in the long-term, in the short-term it seems to be important to hold on to ambivalence. It seems important to experience the conflict of leaving home and settling into a new culture. As Pianta and colleagues note[4], we need to give ourselves the space to mourn the losses and learn a new reality in order to allow an integrated and coherent story to emerge. Despite the rich and often wonderful culture, heritage and opportunities that Israel offers, each Oleh will have lost: people, language, music, food, cultural norms and so on.

  We can probably all think of the days when we have had enough of ‘using our elbows’ or dealing with the humidity; the days when we miss our loved ones, a favourite TV show, or a bar of Dairy Milk. There are also the days when we are relieved we don’t have to bear our own culture’s annoying habits; or we are moved to tears by a national ‘tekes’ or by our bravery for simply doing this. At the start these, often quite dramatic, splits and even shifts between the old or new culture being ‘all good’ or ‘all bad’ are normal, even healthy, according to the research. Then, as time goes on, we can more easily accept that neither our old home nor our new one is perfect. We then somehow find a way to join the culture more fully and re-create ourselves as an Anglo Israeli – or is it an Israeli Anglo?

[1]Berry, J. W., & Kim, U. (1988). Acculturation and mental health. In P. R. Dasen, J. W. Berry, & N. Sartorius (Eds.). Health and cross-cultural psychology: Toward applications (pp. 207–236).Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.
[2] Garza-Guerrero, A. C. (1974). Culture shock: It’s mourning and the vicissitudes of identity. Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association, 22, 408–429.
[3] Walsh, S. D. & Shulman, S. (2007) Splits in the Self following Immigration: An Adaptive Defense or a Pathological Reaction? Psychoanalytic Psychology, 24, 2, 355–372
[4]Pianta, R., Marvin, R., Britner, P., & Borowitz, K. (1996). Mothers’ resolution of their children’s diagnosis: Organized patterns of caregiving representations. Infant Mental Health Journal, 17, 239–256.

 

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September 14, 2009

Tips for a stress-free chag

Posted by Dr. Lisa Law under Aliyah, Articles, Family, Getting help, Lonliness, Stress | Tags: , , , , , , , |
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1157590_punica The chagim can be a wonderful break from routine; an opportunity to spend time with family, eat good food, take a look back at the year gone past and look forward to the year to come. 

 Of course, it is not always and for everyone the celebratory experience we would hope for.  Dr Darnel, a Psychiatrist at the Asaf Harofeh hospital, comments on the many families in Israel who find the chagim particularly difficult. In addition to the stress and balagan of preparation and entertaining and the sometimes overwhelming combination of personalities at the dinner table, for families who have experienced difficulties, the chagim can be extremely challenging. How do you react to your recently divorced cousin? Do you sit in the empty chair of your lost family member? Do you ask your long-term looking-for-work brother-in-law if he has any leads? How do you cope with the difficulties you experience with your family in this concentrated environment?

 Dr Darnel writes that it is important in these situations we remember that such intense family get-togethers are rare and temporary. He encourages the reader to come to the chag with empathy, respect and patience and, very importantly, to think before speaking.

 But what about those without family in Israel? Chagim can be an especially difficult time for olim and other foreigners living here. Even if family occasions weren’t always perfect back home, suddenly being far away from them and with new traditions and new ways of doing things, they can seem very nostalgic or ‘right’. A chag can become a very lonely time, particularly when you look around and everyone else seems so busy and happy.

 If the chagim are tough for you there are a few things that may help. Firstly, try not to be alone as much as possible. Take advantage of the famous Israeli hospitality and if you have been offered a dinner invitation, try to accept. If this is not an option, you could try to arrange to be with other people who are alone for chag, perhaps seeing friends who are olim chadashim, or going to something organised for the community through one of the olim organisations or religious groups.

 It is important to make sure you have plans, even if they are simply to finish that book you keep meaning to, and to be in touch with those that you miss. If you find yourself extremely upset over the chagim and you become concerned about yourself, then give Eran (the hotline for emotional support) a call.

 However you spend your chag I hope it is a chag sameach and a shana tova!

 

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August 24, 2009

How can I get help in Israel as an English speaker?

Posted by Dr. Lisa Law under Aliyah, Getting help, Stress, Therapy | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |
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 As an English speaker living in Israel life can be exciting and exhilarating! But sometimes the pressure of living within a new culture can become a little too much and we can become overwhelmed by the ‘Aliyah rollercoaster’! In any case finding help and locating resources in a foreign language and culture is difficult, but during these times of distress especially, it can become almost impossible to find the help we need.

712793_you_are_here For this reason I wanted to concentrate in one page links to useful information for the English speaker in Israel. I also list these resources on my links page, but here I will go into a little detail about what each site offers.

 I would say for those who are classed as ‘olim chadashim’ or ‘toshavim chozrim’, the first port of call is to turn to one of the olim support organisations. They provide varied and excellent services, including help with finding employment and managing beaurocracy. The Ministry of Absorption will provide essential information and assistance to olim from any country as will The Jewish Agency.

 Esra is a social and community organisation in the central Sharon area of Israel that was set up to help English speakers integrate into Israeli society through social, cultural, educational and civic activities. Members are also able to volunteer in its community projects.

 There are a number of very helpful organisations developed specifically for immigrants from particular countries. North American and British olim can be in touch with Nefesh B’Nefesh. More specifically, Americans and Canadians can gain support from the AACI and British olim from the UJIA . South Africans can contact Telfed and Australians the ZFA .

 Of course any English speaker, oleh or not, can be in touch with their embassy of consulate. 

  If you feel that your difficulties are more of an emotional nature than it may be important to speak with a psychologist. When looking for a psychologist you should check that they are licensed and qualified. You can check that the psychologist’s license with the Register of Israeli Psychologists. Every psychologist will be registered on this site if they are licensed. You can also check out their credentials further if they have a website or, for example, if they have a profile on the networking site: LinkedIn. 

  It is also important to be aware of the national support organisations. Eran provides a confidential 24-hour, 365 day a year emotional support hotline for people feeling alone, depressed or in crisis. The hotline number is 1201. There are also special departments for senior citizens, soldiers, Russian and Arabic speakers and an internet hotline for youth. 

 Enosh is non-profit association for Mental Health which aims to promote mental health issues, provide rehabilitation services and support during recovery from mental health problems, encourage independent living within the community and fight stigma. It offers to its members: supported housing, vocational rehabilitation, social rehabilitation, holidays in Israel and abroad, mentoring, family counseling and support and continuing education programmes. 

 Na’amat provides support services to women, children and families in Israel. It offers educational programmes, legal counselling, domestic violence intervention, single parent family support groups and cultural enrichment programmes. Emunah promotes religious and zionist ideals through volunteering in community projects and provides spiritual and emotional support for religious women.

 The ‘Agudah’ provides individual, social and community support and information services to the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender (youth and adult) community and their families.

 The Association of Rape Crisis Centers provides confidential, crisis-oriented assistance to victims of sexual assault and those close to them. The 24 hour crisis line number is 1202 for women and 1203 for men.

 If you are having difficulty managing alcohol or drug misuse you can turn to Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous.

 

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