Homosexuality and therapy – are we asking the right questions?
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In the aftermath of shock following the shooting at the Tel Aviv Gay and Lesbian Association building last month, sexuality issues have become a popular discussion in the media. A number of articles of late have been focused on whether it is possible to ‘convert’ homosexual men and women to heterosexuals (for example click here.)
These articles cite the American Psychological Association’s (APA) recent statement that “there is insufficient evidence to support the use of psychological interventions to change sexual orientation” and, moreover, attempting to alter a person’s sexual orientation through aversive treatments can cause harm, such as loss of sexual feeling, suicidality, depression and anxiety.
Undoubtedly, articles such as these and the APA’s consideration of this can bring about important and helpful change. A resolution has been passed urging mental health professionals not to recommend to their clients that they can change their sexual orientation through therapy or any other methods. A Brazilian psychologist has been publicly reprimanded by Brazil’s Federal Psychology Council for suggesting she could “cure” homosexuals.
However, these articles leave me with different questions: I am curious to think about why the focus has been on whether it is possible to ‘convert’ homosexuality, instead of thinking about the difficulties we have as individuals and as a society, regardless of who we are attracted to sexually, in managing this difference.
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Dr. Lisa Law, ClinPsyD 
September 1, 2009 at 3:33 pm
I read a disturbingly ignorant article in Jerusalem Post a couple of weeks ago about how gays probably can change their sexual orientation but even if they can’t they should just control themselves.
I think your question is important however some people, like the author of the article mentioned above, are not yet ready for understanding how to manage the difference, and presumably won’t be, until they know about the trauma involved in trying and failing to be straight or resentment at ‘playing’ straight.
I knew I was gay at age 19 and instead of being able to enjoy the basic right of loving and being loved, I struggled for years with empty sex with men trying in vain to get over it as I had been told by older sisters that life would be so much easier for me if I could be with a guy.
Even without actively trying to ‘convert’ but rather ‘just being open’ I got myself into negative experiences and stunted my general development and the ability to see and plan my future.
It comes down to this basic fact – if you are a homosexual it cannot ever be easier for you with the opposite sex. I’m not saying it’s easy to be gay in today’s world (it’s most definitely not!), but the alternative of being trapped in an emotionless, sexless relationship is so much worse. Those who naturally find that it is easier (same sex attraction minus lack of social acceptance is less than opposite sex attraction) can hardly be called homosexual. Surely if I was bisexual I wouldn’t have suffered (as much/at all) and would have dated men and this conversation wouldn’t be about me…
To try and convert or deny can only be more damaging that going with what is natural. This is what should be researched and discussed today.
This next step question that you raise is important and I think that you should not only ask it, but also attempt to answer it! And in your answer maybe also look at ways of managing those differences amongst people who think there is no choice to be gay versus those who think there is a choice – it could be interesting!
September 3, 2009 at 8:58 pm
Thank you for your interesting, thought-provoking and important comment. I appreciate your honest disclosure, as I am sure will others.
Certainly the research today does back up what you are saying: “To try and convert or deny can only be more damaging that going with what is natural.” Moreover, I join with you in encouraging researchers to shift their research questions towards those that consider difference and acceptance rather than conversion efficacy. As a Psychological Therapist and a Lecturer, I believe my part in this process is to continue to open up these questions within the therapy room and amongst colleagues; to encourage a space and a conversation that explores identity and difference.
February 3, 2010 at 12:56 pm
Anyway, this is a fascinating take on this topic. Please update your blog regularly! By the way, can your readers to send in topics they want to personally ask you about? Actually I have a specific question on this issue because I am going through a difficult situation with a woman I have a crush on and I’m just not sure how to move forward. I’d love to ask for your input…or perhaps someone can suggest a book that I ought to check out?
February 11, 2010 at 9:24 pm
Hi Hyman,
Thank you for you comment and your encouragement of my blog. I shall endeavour to post more regularly!
I absolutely welcome topic suggestions and will always try to write relevant blogs that are of interest to the readers. In terms of responding to specific life questions, I am rather warey. 1) It is important for me to protect the privacy of my readers and 2) the amount of detail that written communication allows is insufficient to be able to really think about psychological processes. I would suggest having a think with someone you feel close to or a therapist in your area.
I very much wish you luck with your situation.
All the best,
Lisa